Monday, 6 July 2015

How to plan a Wedding. Part 1:

1. Get engaged. Feel overwhelming joy and excitement about the nuptials and your future. Decide that it is going to be a wondrous experience throughout. Convince yourself that due to your simple tastes this wedding will be a simple and cost effective affair. Feel smug.

2. Decide that you'll just have one of those quaint barn weddings. Surely that's cheap. It is in a barn for Christ's sake. Realise quickly that renting a barn costs almost your entire budget and that's without any tables, chairs or lighting. Question whether guests really need chairs... or the ability to see.

3. Start a Pinterest board and dedicate three days of your life to pinning. Realise that you have no interest in flowers and if you ever see a pastel colour again, you might want to rip your eyes out. Abandon Pinterest and all its pretty, wedding guilt.

4. Begin the search for a venue. Die a slow painful death during this process.

5. Set up a wedding spreadsheet. Have a serious conversation with yourself about when exactly you became the type of person who sets up a spreadsheet outside of working hours.

6. Try to understand how much venues are charging. Alternatively, your time would be as well spent trying to understand the identity of dark matter. Learn about facility fees and surcharges. Repeat to self confusedly; 'So WHAT is the FINAL cost?' Make self a cup of tea to help tired brain.

7. Use your damned spreadsheet and your (slight) knowledge of venue costs to estimate a basic cost for a wedding. Cry self to sleep.

8. Consider getting married outdoors. Run around laughing maniacally and screaming 'SCREW THE WEDDING VENUES!!' Recognise that you live in Scotland. Hastily reassess this plan.

9. Contact caterers for quotes. Cry self to sleep again.

10. Decide that self-catering your wedding seems like a reasonable, achievable goal. Feel inspired by the people on A Practical Wedding who do that stuff ALL THE TIME. Ignore husband to be when he politely suggests that this might not be as enjoyable an experience as you think it will be. Tell him that he has never believed in your talents.

10. Slowly accept that he is most definitely probably correct and concede defeat. Count your blessings that you're marrying someone more sensible than you, if only because you really can't be arsed cooking lasagne for a hundred people.

11. Look at sparkly, shiny ring and feel better about things. Look at Husband-to-be and feel infinitely better about things. Figure that it will all be worth it in the end.

12. Repeat process.

4 comments:

  1. Haha. This is hilarious. My deskmate is getting married next year and it all sounds so stressful!

    Lisa | Not Quite Enough

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    1. Thank you Lisa! Glad you enjoyed the post! It is a little stressful. Am hoping once venue and food organised then all plain sailing from there (but probably not!) hope your friend enjoys the rest of the planning and the day :) xx

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  2. Haha, oh no, what a stress! I can't even imagine organising a wedding - every time a friend mentions organising theirs, I can't believe how full on it all sounds! I know it will be worth it in the end though - I'm sure all of your wedding stress will melt away when you see everything come together on the big day.

    x

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    1. Oh Charlene! I didn't realise how stressful it would be. I was thinking that because I'm not too fussy it would be easy. I was so wrong haha. I think we'll take a wee break from it for a month or so and then get back into it later.

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