Sunday, 29 March 2015

Rough edges

So guys, it's been a while.

Mainly I haven't been writing much because life has been so hectic and a bit overwhelming recently. Mainly in good ways but still overwhelming.

I haven't been writing and I haven't been doing much else either. My exercise habits go out of the window when I get busy which is probably the worst thing I could do for myself because without regular exercise I get all worked up, anxious and pissy about everything. I am a DELIGHT to live with when I'm not running my energy off.

It's funny because I don't typically think of the drivers behind my exercising as self-care and making myself feel good. Rather I've normally exercised for aesthetic reasons. I'm coming to the conclusion that I need to disassociate my desire to exercise from my desire to change myself. I mean, it's pretty useless anyway because I have been exercising fairly regularly for the past fifteen years and haven't changed a jot. I'm calling bullshit.

Rather than thinking that exercising is about controlling my body, I'm trying to teach myself to understand that it's really more about trying to control my mind. That might be teaching myself to dig deep and push through temporary discomfort or it might be letting myself get outside of my head for a little bit and concentrate on movement above anything else.

It's not easy to change a habit of a lifetime but I'm getting there slowly and as a result when I have managed to get out and do a bit of exercise, I've enjoyed it exponentially more than I normally do.

The other thing I haven't been doing of late is wearing make-up. It wasn't a conscious decision, rather it was probably a by product of the fact that I'm working a lot of shifts and at 5.30am the last thing I can be bothered doing is my face.

Then after a couple of mornings where I'd just scraped a bit of mascara on, I read this Man Repeller article and thought 'FUCK YEAH' and after that I pretty much gave up on wearing any make up on a day to day basis. Not even powder which, as a particularly shiny person, I've adopted an unhealthy addiction to. It's been tough at times because my skin still isn't looking its best thanks to the scars left behind by the skin infection I had at the tail end of last year so the desire to cover up is strong.

It's pretty pointless to think so much about it because nobody else really cares if I wear make-up or not but I guess it's just a little self experiment in teaching myself to be comfortable with who I am and resist the urge to smooth off the rough edges, of which there are many. In that respect, it's been kind of cool to do it. Also, I get an extra fifteen minutes in bed which is pretty sweet too.

Also, here are some celebrities sans make-up but not in the typical circle of doom fashion our media adores. Just portraits of people, looking like people.

No comments:

Post a Comment