Monday, 18 August 2014

The urge to run









This quote was found on Pinterest (only link I could find for it).

I've written before that running doesn't have the best association for me and so recently I've been staying away from it, preferring instead to try out my new skill of swimming. I'd fallen in love with cycling during this year of challenges but unfortunately I'm bike-less at the moment. Or I do have a bike but it's a 15 year old, purple warrior with flat tires and broken brakes so it's essentially useless.

I've also mentioned that I've not been in the best mood of late. It's still hanging around, like a fly I'm constantly having to swat away. For me, bad moods go hand in hand with a refusal to do any exercise whatsoever and the desire to spend an entire weekend watching sixteen hours of Gossip Girl.

At the end of the sixteenth hour I decided that enough was enough and moved through to the bedroom to set out my running gear for the next morning. My alarm sounded at 6.15 am, a little earlier than it's been set of late and I jumped out of bed, ready to face the run before me. Early morning runs are my least favourite because exercising on an empty stomach really does not suit me. Regardless, I felt a little bit joyful at the thought of getting out there. I needed to move my body to still my mind.

Despite not having ran for quite a while, I haven't lost much fitness and this morning I powered along quite easily. I didn't even struggle with my breathing in the way that I normally do, perhaps because I didn't want to over think things. I just wanted to move, to release the pent up energy that is gnawing away at me just now.

I'm not entirely sure what I'm so frustrated about at the moment. Perhaps it's the constant stream of negativity and sadness that faces me on the news each night. Perhaps it's the realisation that no matter how much I try to be positive and to do nice things, this world is a mean old place where people are chased from their homes because they don't practice the appropriate religion in that place or time, where  planes full of people can be shot out of the sky because of tensions over land and politics, where the mistakes of the previous century haven't been heeded and peaceful protesters are shot with rubber bullets and tear gas because they happen to fall into a dangerous stereotype. Or maybe still, it's the fact that in this day and age, dangerous stereotypes still exist.

These are only some of the problems that weigh heavily on my shoulders. I am impotent. I have no power to change these things. Where does one begin? The world is terrifying and all I can do is sit and numb my brain watching Gossip Girl or Glee. I think about writing about these things here but the words don't come because I question what it will even achieve. My writing about it doesn't seem like tangible action but then what would? I don't know.

At the same time as not writing about those things, writing about anything else feels selfish, almost like I'm actively ignoring these horrendous things. It seems shallow to share stories of the small things that make up my life because it's so far removed from the really big issues.

This morning I ran and focused on the rhythmic movement of my legs and the fresh morning air that I sucked into my lungs. It felt good to do something. Anything. Sometimes I feel like my happiness is directly responsible for someone else's misery. That if other people are sad, I don't deserve to feel joy or at least not feel that same misery. Turning this energy in on myself is futile, I know that. I'm trying to do something positive and good here, no matter how small or insignificant and I should keep going with that even when it feels so small that it surely can't make up for all the negative things that are happening elsewhere.

So this morning I ran and tonight I wrote and from now on I'll be trying to channel some of the energy through this blog so unfortunately for you that means that the peace and quiet is over.

I bet you're excited about that ;)


4 comments:

  1. I've recently decided to get back to running, and have been cycling all summer so these first two runs that I've done have been tough on my legs!
    It's definitely a great way to burn some energy, and have time to just think.

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    1. Thanks for your comment! Well done on getting back into running, the first couple are always the most difficult! I have a love-hate relationship with running but it is definitely one of the best things for clearing away the cobwebs.

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  2. I totally understand what you mean about switching on the news and feeling overwhelmed with all the awful sad news going on around the world. It's hard to get your head round at times but I guess just staying positive, raising awareness and being grateful for what you have and what you can change is all that you can do. Good on you for getting out there though!

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    1. Thanks. I think I'm just in that frustrated state of mind where these things are eating away at me more than usual. I did feel quite proud and keen to get back into it but came down with the cold the next day so I haven't done anything since! Haha typical.

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