Saturday, 10 May 2014

A history of my words



When I was a child I wrote extensively, mainly depressing stories and poems about the holocaust (whatever floats your boat eh?). I liked to team this depressing morbidity with activism and so in between poems about genocide I wrote faux angry letters to companies which tested cosmetics on animals and wrote stories about a gang of spies who investigated crimes against animals. It could be said that I had a definite niche.

Then I became a teenager and kept an angst-ridden diary which fumed at whichever boy had decided that week that he didn't want to look back in my direction. However, the time eventually came when boys did look back in my direction and so the diary promptly got dumped and only resurfaced when a small heartbreak was on the cards.

As I grew older I kept another diary. A small, black snakeskin diary. I'm sure it was read once by someone I'd rather hadn't read it. I've since binned the diary, angry at the story told by those scribbled, blue lines on the white pages.

Over the years I've written three letters to people to express the words that got stuck in my throat when I tried to say them out loud. I wonder if the recipients have held on to them or if those letters are no more substantial than my memory of the words. Somehow the process of writing it down made the apologies seem more sincere to me, like they could be held on to forever and thus the words were binding, as opposed to the fleeting existence of them if they had been spoken.

At some point in my timeline writing became an academic pursuit for me. Over the past decade I've written hundreds of thousands of words, most of them carefully abstracted from someone else's thoughts and words and carefully referenced Harvard style. Now in my current job I write mainly to pass on information, yet there is still a pleasure in putting the thoughts in my head into words on paper (or technically MS Word but it doesn't quite have the same ring to it does it?)

Then I made the decision to start this blog. I'd tried before this but had always chickened out, deleting it after a couple of half-hearted posts. This time it began as a way to chronicle a twelve month challenge, giving me a reason to write. It's morphed into something else though, which is tricky because I'm not sure how posts like this sit within the overall framework of what I'm doing this year and it probably doesn't make any logical sense but I'm cracking on anyway. The more I write, the more I have to write about and I'm thoroughly enjoying the blogging experience this time around. I'm enjoying the opportunity to write freely about whatever I like, unconstrained by academic deadlines or principles. What's more, I'm enjoying the process of seeing something that's been buzzing about my head transformed into a full blog post which is being read by more than just me (I think. I hope.) 

6 comments:

  1. Love the quote, it's great advice!

    The framework of your blog is fluid, posts like this this fit perfectly. Look forward to reading more in the future.

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    1. Yes, I'm a sucker for a good inspirational quote and this is one of my favourites. Thanks for the confidence boost! Because the blog was initially meant to track the challenges I always feel like I'm wasting people's time with posts like this one but I just like writing whatever pops into my head.

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  2. Only just found your blog Kylie. It is fun & interesting. Love all the challenges you are doing! Best of luck in Aberfeldy!

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    1. Thank you!! I'm starting to get a little nervous for the Triathlon but sure I will make it through!

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  3. You write so well Kylie, and you definitely should post whatever you fancy regardless of the topic - it's your blog after all! Good luck with Aberfeldy tri - I did it last year and was actually meant to do it this year but have just withdrawn because I've not done any exercise in so long (oops!). It's a great course though (despite the start of the run being uphill!) and a lovely atmosphere x

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    1. Thank you! What a lovely comment to receive. I've tried the cycle route and ran up the dreaded hill. I'm kind of excited but also terrified, mainly about being cold after the swim. That's a pity you had to drop out! It has been quite a lot of training though, I'm not sure whether I'd do another.

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