Sunday, 30 March 2014

Pieces of advice I should give you: ''The Mummy Episode''

After the dreaded duathlon I issued eight pieces of advice which were well received and since the blog post went down so well I thought that people are obviously crying out for my wise words of advice so I should make the feature a semi-regular one here on the old blog.

Of course, today is Mothers' Day and in honour of this, and because most of my wise ways have been born of my Mother then I feel it's only sensible to bring you 'The Mummy Episode' of the series today. So without further ado, here is the advice, passed from her to me and now duly passed to you.

1. You're only young once so bloody well enjoy it. 


I started going out to nightclubs when I was 15, if you can believe it, although I'm not sure how I managed to sneak in because I looked like I was about 10 years old but regardless, sneak in I did. By the time I got to 17 I was over it. Nightclubs were boring. Same old, same old.  My friends invited me out one Wednesday night but I had school the next day. I remember sitting in the car with my Mum, telling her that I wasn't sure whether to go or not. She looked at me and asked what I would do otherwise. I shrugged and told her I'd watch some TV in the house. She looked mortified. 'What, you're going to stay in with me and your Dad, two old farts?' She asked me. 'How is life going to happen if you sit in the house all the time? Put your nice clothes on and go out, you're only young once so bloody well enjoy it'.

If you want to experience life then you have to go out your front door from time to time. Even for perennial hermits like me who could have easily kept myself tucked away were it not for the wise words of my Mother. When I think back to my teens and early twenties it isn't the nights sat in by myself, curled in front of the TV that I remember with great fondness but the nights out with friends, swinging my parka round my head (although that's another story) and having a ball. Oh, and I met my other half in a Nightclub, no doubt on a night out which I'd been pushed into going on by my Mum.

2. Don't feel guilty for doing what you want to do.

My Mum's fiercer than Beyonce. I remember back in high school when I was having a bit of trouble with an ex-boyfriend who was jealous that I had a new boyfriend and was causing some problems. I was recounting the story to my Mum and told her that I wasn't sure how I should handle it. My Mum's response was that I was to hold up my ring finger on my left hand and ask him 'Do you see a ring on this finger? No? Then go birl on it you dick'. 'Oh right, calm down there Jenny' I thought to myself, but she did have a point and the moral of the story is this: do what makes you happy and tell anyone who tries to get in your way to do one.

Image found on Pinterest

3. Don't be a dick though.

I can't think of many people who don't like my Mum and that's because she wants to help people and make them happy. If you're a friend of Jenny's then you are a very lucky person indeed and that's not only because you'll receive the most epic Christmas presents for the rest of your life.

She doesn't forget birthdays, anniversaries or any important event. I even received a card and a present to mark the date that I moved into my flat in Edinburgh for the first three years after I did so. As someone who forgets every important date and thinks that cards are a tremendous waste of time, I found this faintly ridiculous but the point is that my Mum thinks it's important to celebrate the things that are significant to others and that's something that people appreciate about her.

On the occasions that I have perhaps, been a teensy, little, wee bit selfish (of which of course there are hardly any examples) my Mum hasn't fooled around, pretending that maybe what I did was okay. Instead she told me straight up that I was being a dick, shoved me in the car and drove me over (often to Ryan's house) and told me to go in, apologise profusely and to mean every word of what I said.

Image from themeekshall

4. Ain't nothing wrong with embellishing a story a little bit.

My Mum is infamous for her stories. Often they last much longer than they really need to and every tiny detail is included in the telling of the story. Details are important though. Who am I to say that the minor fact that Betty from four doors down was in Tesco at the same time as my Mum isn't a crucial factor in the story of how my Dad got on at his hospital appointment that same day? And I suppose that as equally important as minor, inconsequential details are the tangents to a story. My Mum has an incredible ability to jump mid story to something completely unrelated which is oftentimes frustrating but nonetheless sometimes the most interesting things lie in these tangential aspects.

In any case, I suppose that if I didn't think details, embellishment and tangential aspects to stories were important then I wouldn't be regularly writing blog posts about nothing in particular. So thanks for that Mum.

5. Don't ever go to bed on an argument.

I was told this so often as I was growing up and am so incapable of understanding that it's a metaphor for not holding grudges that now, I am physically incapable of falling asleep on an argument. Which, I'm sure is good fun for Ryan who is often kept awake until the small hours of the morning as I pester him to reassure me that he has forgiven me for snapping at him for not doing the dishes. It also means that if you want to win an argument with me, all you have to do is hold out until 10pm and I'll apologise and beg for your forgiveness, however much I fought my corner previously, because there is little in this life that I value more than getting a good eight hours of sleep.

But there is an important piece of advice in there. You don't know what tomorrow will bring and so you should always leave things with the people you love on good terms. There isn't much in this life worth holding on to grudges for. She's a wise bird my Mum.

Image found here 

Happy Mothers' Day xxxxx

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